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Now it's Christmas (fluffy hot cocoa round the fire mix)
Everybody's driving down to mum and dad's
Joan and Uncle Jimmy are there
Mum's in the kitchen with her apron on
And dad's snoring in his chair
Billy's climbing the Christmas tree
Katy's cutting grandma's hair
Now who scoffed all the pies?
Who scoffed all the pies?
Mum said we were all supposed to share!
Merry merry Christmas, we all love our Christmas
It only comes just once a year
Now it's Christmas
Wait all year for Christmas
And now it's come we're glad it's here
What a load of rubbish on telly
Del boy, Bond and Britney Spears
Queen's had an anus horribilis again
Thank God dad got in the beers
Forget about your troubles and woes
Everything that gets right up your nose
Oh come all ye faithful
Oh come all ye faithful
Oh come let us sing you all a song of Xmas cheer
Merry Christmas, we all love our Christmas
It only comes just once a year
Now it's Christmas
Wait all year for Christmas
And now it's come we're glad it's here
We ate mum's Christmas pud, we're feeling very queer
Dad's broken mum's best china - oh dear
Give you two guesses what dad's getting mum for Christmas next year
Merry Christmas, we all love our Christmas
It only comes just once a year
Now it's Christmas
Wait all year for Christmas
And now it's come we're glad
And now it's come we're glad
Merry Christmas
Merry merry Christmas
We’re all glad it's come for, we're so glad it's come for
Glad it's come for one more year
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Merry, Merry Christmas (who gives a monkey's mix)
Everybody's driving down to mum and dad's
But no one really wants to be there
Gran's on the Tia Maria
But we don't give a monkey's
If she falls down the stairs
All the lights are out on the Christmas tree
Another bloody pair of socks for me
Now who scoffed all the pies?
Who scoffed all the pies?
Mum said we were all supposed to share!
Merry merry Christmas, we all love our Christmas
It only comes just once a year
Now it's Christmas
Wait all year for Christmas
And now it's come we're glad it's here
What a load of bollocks on the telly
Del boy bonking Britney Spears
Queen's had an anus horribilis again
Thank God dad got in the beers
Forget about your troubles and woes
Stick a bit of icing up your nose
Oh come all ye faithful
Oh come all ye faithful
Oh come on England, why d'you lose again this year?
Merry Christmas, we all love our Christmas
It only comes just once a year
Now it's Christmas
Wait all year for Christmas
And now it's come we're glad it's here
We ate mum's Christmas pud, we're feeling very queer
Dad's broken mum's best china - oh dear
This is turning out to be the same as it turned out to be last year
Merry Christmas, we all love our Christmas
It only comes just once a year
Now it's Christmas
Wait all year for Christmas
And now it's gone we're glad
And now it's gone we're glad
Bloody Christmas
Bloody bloody Christmas
We’re all glad it's gone for, bloody glad it's gone for
Glad it's gone for one more year
